Fear of abandonment often stems from something that happened in our childhoods. Even an experience of losing a parent/guardian whilst out shopping when we were 5 years old, can bury itself as trauma into our subconscious. Don’t underestimate the feeling of fear that our inner child experienced, and what we will do to protect ourselves from feeling that fear again.
Unfortunately burying that trauma, and shielding ourselves from ever having to go through the experience of abandonment again, we can end up jeopardising our adult relationships. Abandonment issues can show up in our relationships in ways such as:
– Needing constant reassurance from your partner
– Staying in an unhealthy relationship out of fear of being alone
– Sabotaging a relationship so you can say “I told you so”
– Irrational fear of them leaving you and worrying you won’t be able to cope without them
– Finding goodbyes difficult, even if it’s for a short period of time
To avoid these issues taking centre stage in your relationships, we need to first identify the trauma that is causing them in the first place.
More painful than getting lost in a shop, you might have experienced a parent that wasn’t around when you were growing up, but if we can first and foremost objectively view our parents as human beings with their own flaws, their own traumas and their own limitations, we can really start to begin letting go.
Understanding that they don’t have all the answers. Understanding that they didn’t have the privilege we now do, to live in a time where healing was discussed so honestly and openly, is the first step we need to take to heal.
To explore further and hear more tools and practices in overcoming abandonment issues, have a listen to my podcast here.